This last week has been hard for me. I found out that my best friend since I was like 2 or 3 is moving away. We have been on and off in touch for 5 years due to some life events. Now that things were getting back to "normal" and now she is moving away. Its been a little depressing for me. I am excited for her because I think that in some ways it will be good, some ways I don't think it will be good, I worry that our friendship will get lost in the dust as she heads east. I know that I am probably being paranoid but I don't want to lose our friendship. I love her so much.

On a side note with my fitness:
Here I have been sitting here complaining about not working out, not losing weight but honestly really not doing much more than that. I haven't gone to the gym for awhile, I haven't really been watching my eating besides the watching of it go into my mouth.

But this morning I did it, I got out of bed when my alarm went off and got to the gym. I realized today how far behind I am on my weight loss program. What does that mean for me? That I need to work harder at this. I need to remember that this weight didn't come on in just one day so I am sure its not going to fall off in one day. I need to just get moving, get eating healthy again and all things will fall into place. :)

But yesterday I did a few things to change that. I made my lunch, I got to bed at a reasonable hour, I watched my sugar intake, I got everything ready for the morning besides getting up, getting my shoes on and getting out the door. I am going to do the SAME thing tonight besides I am actually going to have my bag in the car so its just a matter of getting up, grabbing my lunch out of the fridge and head out.

I hope to see some positive change here and I know it will overall help me mentally and physically! I am kind of excited to make some serious changes!

I will just keep telling myself "you can do it!!!!!"

I feel like I keep sabotaging my efforts to lose weight. I am tired of contining saying, I will start tomorrow or I will start next week. I have been eating good today, yesterday and I am already planning on my gym day tomorrow morning bright and early. I have my lunch planned for tomorrow to go to work so I am prepared to stay on plan. Now, I am waiting for my clothes in the washer so that I can get them dried and get everything ready and in the car tonight so that all I have to do is wake up. :)

What is wrong with me? Since we have been home from the hospital, I just want to stuff all this bad food in my mouth. Plus I have had no motivation to get up and workout and I have the opportunity. What is wrong with me? Maybe I am still stressed out or something but I do know that tomorrow morning, I am going to get up early, get out to the lake, jog around the lake then I am going to get ready to go into town so that we can get our stuff done and then we will be back. I am not going to stay down. I need to get a few more good, healthy foods in the house but I need to do this. Not just for myself but also for Vince. I have to think about him now as well.

Anyhow I hope that I am able to be a good support.

Today, Vincent is doing much, much better. He is being back to his normal sillier self. Joking around with me, talking more, just everything. I don't know how to explain some of this besides just saying he is feeling better. I have so much around me showing that he is doing better. I am so excited, gives me hope. He is VERY eager to listen to me now about things, he wants to make life style changes so that he never comes back here. Now the key is the life style change has to be more than just popping a pill everyday, its diet, exercise along with his medication. He knows that, he wants to do that because he doesn't ever want to be back here again. This time is a killer for him.

I can't wait to get home and be away from this place. Its been really stressful on me, especially with family. I can't wait to be home with Vincent and me. Things are going to be a little bit stressful cause I am not going to sit back and let this happen again and I am not going to allow other people to make the decisions that they think is what we need to make. I get very frustrated because I have been doing so much research and involved with the doctors during all of this and I have heard already with him in the hospital that he can still have this and that because he has his medication and he still needs to make sure that food tastes good. True, food will taste good but its going to be healthy and they are going to be under my rules. If they aren't under my rules, then I don't want them. Why? Because I have to live with this day in and day out.

For me this means my life, he is my world! I will do this lifestyle change along his side, I am going to be VERY VERY supportive and do everything like him. No cheating even at work, if I do, I will be honest with him but I am going to be sure that he has the support of me 100% behind him.

I could be possibly getting cranky because I have been around too many people for too many days with a lack of sleep, a monster amount of stress but I still know that we are going to be making some lifestyle changes that will be good for him. He will be healthy, hopefully he will be on his way to recovery soon! :) And onto a new and healthy lifestyle for his life, my life, our life and the life of our family! :)

Today is day 6 at the hospital. Man the days are long and hard. I wish that I could do something! I did speak up today and say something and I dont know if I will regret it later but for today I am not worried.

The doctor said some of his levels are coming down. His trigylcerides were 3500 and they are now today 900. So that is good; he is looking better, more color in his lips and face. :) I am happy to hear that though he says the pain is still really really bad, I still am glad to see him more talkative, more alert. I can't wait for him to come home.

These last few days have been really hard on me, he is my world, he is my everything. I would do anything in the world for him. If I could give him my pancereas and take the pain, I would ..... I would do it in a heartbeat.

Its hard for me cause I have so many stresses and there is no one that i can really talk to about it! I called my mom last night at like 2am cause I had to get it off my chest, I was crying and I just needed to get it out of my system. It was a good one. :) :)

Anyhow I hope you are all doing good .... I am just sitting here and waiting for my hubby to get feeling better. They are changing his medication soon so I am waiting to get my coffee.

Talk to you soon!!! :)

I am going slighty insane today! I am here at the hospital; I feel like I haven't taken care of Vince very well these last few days and it makes me go insane. I mean I know that I can't do everything and sometimes I need to get out of an hr or so just to get some time away but I feel bad cause I went to have some coffee and I ended up being gone for awhile.

I feel guilty overall in so many ways. I feel like I should have been harder on Vince so that he wouldnt be here, I feel like maybe my habits infleunced him and that is why he is here.

I just love him so much that I hate that he is sick! I hate that he is here but i can't make him do anything, I can encourage him to do it but I dont want to be the nagging wife,

I just feel so overwhelmed, so frustrated in general. Maybe its a lack of sleep, maybe its the constant beeps that go on in a hospital where you should be resting and healing. Rest? In a hospital? You have to kidding me ..... 1st there are nurses that seem to take their time on everything. Its driving me insane! Then there are people everywhere, always around, always things going on ...... I just feel drained! I know its because people care but everytime I turn around its "whats going on? what did they say? he is ok? whats going on? .... its just going on and on!!!!

Anyhow I hope that I am doing a good job taking care of him, I hope that Vince knows that I just needed to "recharge" my mind .... I hope there is some understanding and I hope he knows that I didnt mean to let him down!

We are still in the hospital with Vincent. Today is day 5 and they said 3 to 4 more days. That is going to be almost 2 weeks. Holy cow!!! This experience has been really hard on me as I dont know what to do, I dont know how to help, I just feel like I am just here but when Vincent either asks me something or wants some ice water, I jump to do it as it makes me feel so much better when I am able to help out.

Well I wanted to give everyone an update to the situation. Thanks for everyone's thoughts and prayers!

-B

Today I am in the hospital still with Vince. We came in here on Friday and he has panceratis again and its not good. He is still not doing well though he has some more color in his face, he is still not feeling well. He can barely get up and around, not eating much or for that matter drinking much. I really worry about him. I dont know how long that I will be here at the hospital but I know that I will be here but I will not leave until he is much better.

Anyhow that is my world since Friday morning at 4:30am!

I can't resist posting this up here ..... :)

Today I was thinking as I looked at myself in the mirror. Ugh, I need to lose weight and then I pinched my fat roll (like if I pinch it, maybe it will fall off or something) :) But I reminded myself that didn't appear overnight and I can't expect it to fall off over night but I am using the tools I need to to make it start melting off.

But I think that sometimes we need to ask ourselves, where are my priorities with my weight loss? Do I let the housecleaning get in the way of my workout? Or maybe my favorite TV show? Or maybe I cheat so that I can have two lunches in the week with girlfriends? Or maybe we allow too many indulgences during the week.

I know that I am in consistent failure of allowing things to get in my way and that is why I am where I am today but I really do believe in my heart of hearts if we give it our all then we will succeed, we will see progress, we will be healthier and happier!

So this week, lets think about what is that we can do to change our schedule or our habits to make it easier for us to get to the gym, do our workouts, to make healthy meals .... What do you want more in life? Health or the temp flavor of the day or the tv show that will discontinue in a couple seasons :)

Today I read this quote: "Everything we do affects other people." And it got me thinking about it as in the way of weight loss, of course everything we do affects people. We can be a positive role model for our friends, family, and even strangers or we can be a negative influence.

For me, I think that I can be a role model for both my husband and my family of eating better, being more active and etc. I also know that I am an example to people that I work with. Whether they follow me or not, they notice that I haven't done what I promised I was going to do.

Anyhow that is my thought for the day. I am hoping to get out and walk later but TOM is here and its killing me so if I can control the food today it will be my "gold star" :)

Update on my weekend:

Yesterday, evening I asked my hubby to go on a walk with me but he wasn't feeling well so he said let me make you a deal, we will get up tomorrow morning go on a walk then we will make a breakfast. I said "ok" but I still went on a walk. When I got down to where I was walking, our friend was riding her bike around the lake. She said I that she was going to go around and catch up with me, She told me that she was going at a good speed and for her one mile, I was 3/4 of a way around. I was so proud of myself. She said that I was really going at it. :) I was doing an 18 min mile which I would like to have it better but I will take it :) I haven't been doing well on the exercise front lately.

Then today, I went walking with my husband around the lake and he said that I was walking much faster than I had before. He thought I was crazy ... I could have probably going gone around again. I was feeling good about my jogging, walking. I wasn't getting as winded and etc. I am planning on conserving some energy today to move some wood with my inlaws but I want to go walking 1-2 miles this afternoon depending on how much energy I have.

I am really trying to stay active during the weekend so that I am doing something so when Monday morning comes around that it wont be so bad. :) I need to get in shape, I need to do for myself, I need to do it for my husband, I need to do it for our future family. I am proud of myself ......

For all those who wanted to see my before pictures. Please remember this is a few months ago but I have NOT been doing my workouts religiously like I am going to from this month forward! :)

Please stay tuned for a few posts after a few months!

Before Pictures

What kind of role model are you? Do you reward your child with a piece of candy or some other food prize? Do you involve your children and family in your healthy lifestyle? Do you not think that they are worth it? Do you not think that they deserve the best in life? Do you not love them enough to want them to be healthy too?
Your children, do they find themselves going outside to play, climb in the trees, run in the sprinkler or do they sit in front of the tv watching cartoons, playing some video game?
When you say its dinner time, do you sit at the table as a family enjoying each others company or do you find yourselves in front of the tv or computer eating dinner possibly even in seperate rooms? Or do you think the family dinner is when you order pizza or KFC?

What do you do with your life and your familys' life to show that you value their life? What do you want for yourself? What about those precious ones in your life?

This comes from me observing the family life of some of those who are around me. I have seen the parent reward their child like a dog and give them a piece of candy everytime they did something right. Its not that they shouldnt be praised but should be praising our children with food, most of all candy especially at an early age. What is that teaching them about the values of food?

And families these days, have so little time together, why not make sure that you are spending at least one meal together. Asking about each others day, teaching your children the value of meal time, family time.

I know that there are some adjustments in my own life that I need to make before having a child. But I am glad that I see it now, want to change now and working at the changes now. I want my family to have a good strong outlook on life, I want them to be able to make good decisions on life. I want them to be healthy, strong.

So let me ask you, what do you want for yourself and your family? What decisions are you going to make that will impact your family?

So the update in my world ....

Our friend is living with me and my husband right now and he is helping us out on some of the house stuff. So we had this wall that needed fixed and it got fixed! I am so super excited about. This room is going to be a "nursery" when we have a baby. We have talked for awhile about having children and etc but I think that we are finally really making steps towards trying to have a family. :) I am so excited. I can't wait for the day I find out that I am pregnant, I can't wait for the day when I meet our child, I can't wait until the day when our baby says "mama", I can't wait for the day for our baby to say "i love you mommy" but I can wait for the day our child want to grow up and move out of the house. :)

I am really excited. I can't wait to start a family! I can't believe that here soon, I could be a mom. What a concept? Will I be a good mom? I sure hope so .......

I think this weekend, I am going to texture and maybe paint. :)

Thats the big news in my world!!!!

I thought this was a great article on strength training.

Add Strength Training for Lean Muscles

Turn that Weight Loss Weakness into a Strength

-- By Zach Van Hart, Staff Writer

Before Gail Devers won the 100-meter dash at the 1992 Olympics, she spent countless hours on the track. But you know where else she spent her time? In the gym, doing strength training. Not to gain weight, but to keep her muscles strong.

The common fear is that strength training will add bulk and therefore add weight. But this is a myth. Strength training will build lean muscle and burn some of that fat. So in the long run, you not only become stronger, but you can lose weight as well. Women, in fact, are more likely to tone up from strength training rather than bulk up.

So what part of the body should you work? All of it – your upper body, core, and lower body.

Your upper body is made up of your arms, chest, shoulders, neck, and upper back. This is easily the most popular part of the body to work for strength training. Here are some possible exercises for the upper body:

• Pushups
• Dumbbell Side Exercise
• Chest Press
• Dumbbell Shoulder Raise
• Lat Pull Down
• Tricep Kick Back
• Dumbbell Shoulder Press
• Bicep Curl

The core is very important because you derive much of your balance from the middle section of your body. Plus a strong core allows you to do other exercises better and more effectively. When it comes to your core, almost everyone takes care of their stomachs with sit-ups. But there is much more to your core, including your obloquies, lower back, hips and groin. Here are a few exercises for the core:

• Crunches
• Crunch w/Twist
• Reverse Crunch
• Bird Dog

Last but not least is your lower body. While the legs are sometimes forgotten during strength training, they are also very important. The reason for this is large muscle groups like the ones in your legs burn more fat and help you last longer during aerobic exercise. The key is finding exercises that specifically work your quads, hamstrings, calves and tibialis. Here are a few lower body exercises:

• Forward Lunges
• Ball Squats
• Leg Press
• Wall Squats
• Calf Extension
• Leg Raises

Make sure to give your body a rest after a strength workout. Whichever part or parts of the body you work, give it two days’ rest before you work it again. This gives the muscles time to repair themselves and allows your metabolism to do its thing. And before you know it, you will not only be strong, but on the way to hitting your weight goal.