This last week has been hard for me. I found out that my best friend since I was like 2 or 3 is moving away. We have been on and off in touch for 5 years due to some life events. Now that things were getting back to "normal" and now she is moving away. Its been a little depressing for me. I am excited for her because I think that in some ways it will be good, some ways I don't think it will be good, I worry that our friendship will get lost in the dust as she heads east. I know that I am probably being paranoid but I don't want to lose our friendship. I love her so much.

On a side note with my fitness:
Here I have been sitting here complaining about not working out, not losing weight but honestly really not doing much more than that. I haven't gone to the gym for awhile, I haven't really been watching my eating besides the watching of it go into my mouth.

But this morning I did it, I got out of bed when my alarm went off and got to the gym. I realized today how far behind I am on my weight loss program. What does that mean for me? That I need to work harder at this. I need to remember that this weight didn't come on in just one day so I am sure its not going to fall off in one day. I need to just get moving, get eating healthy again and all things will fall into place. :)

But yesterday I did a few things to change that. I made my lunch, I got to bed at a reasonable hour, I watched my sugar intake, I got everything ready for the morning besides getting up, getting my shoes on and getting out the door. I am going to do the SAME thing tonight besides I am actually going to have my bag in the car so its just a matter of getting up, grabbing my lunch out of the fridge and head out.

I hope to see some positive change here and I know it will overall help me mentally and physically! I am kind of excited to make some serious changes!

I will just keep telling myself "you can do it!!!!!"

I feel like I keep sabotaging my efforts to lose weight. I am tired of contining saying, I will start tomorrow or I will start next week. I have been eating good today, yesterday and I am already planning on my gym day tomorrow morning bright and early. I have my lunch planned for tomorrow to go to work so I am prepared to stay on plan. Now, I am waiting for my clothes in the washer so that I can get them dried and get everything ready and in the car tonight so that all I have to do is wake up. :)

What is wrong with me? Since we have been home from the hospital, I just want to stuff all this bad food in my mouth. Plus I have had no motivation to get up and workout and I have the opportunity. What is wrong with me? Maybe I am still stressed out or something but I do know that tomorrow morning, I am going to get up early, get out to the lake, jog around the lake then I am going to get ready to go into town so that we can get our stuff done and then we will be back. I am not going to stay down. I need to get a few more good, healthy foods in the house but I need to do this. Not just for myself but also for Vince. I have to think about him now as well.

Anyhow I hope that I am able to be a good support.

Today, Vincent is doing much, much better. He is being back to his normal sillier self. Joking around with me, talking more, just everything. I don't know how to explain some of this besides just saying he is feeling better. I have so much around me showing that he is doing better. I am so excited, gives me hope. He is VERY eager to listen to me now about things, he wants to make life style changes so that he never comes back here. Now the key is the life style change has to be more than just popping a pill everyday, its diet, exercise along with his medication. He knows that, he wants to do that because he doesn't ever want to be back here again. This time is a killer for him.

I can't wait to get home and be away from this place. Its been really stressful on me, especially with family. I can't wait to be home with Vincent and me. Things are going to be a little bit stressful cause I am not going to sit back and let this happen again and I am not going to allow other people to make the decisions that they think is what we need to make. I get very frustrated because I have been doing so much research and involved with the doctors during all of this and I have heard already with him in the hospital that he can still have this and that because he has his medication and he still needs to make sure that food tastes good. True, food will taste good but its going to be healthy and they are going to be under my rules. If they aren't under my rules, then I don't want them. Why? Because I have to live with this day in and day out.

For me this means my life, he is my world! I will do this lifestyle change along his side, I am going to be VERY VERY supportive and do everything like him. No cheating even at work, if I do, I will be honest with him but I am going to be sure that he has the support of me 100% behind him.

I could be possibly getting cranky because I have been around too many people for too many days with a lack of sleep, a monster amount of stress but I still know that we are going to be making some lifestyle changes that will be good for him. He will be healthy, hopefully he will be on his way to recovery soon! :) And onto a new and healthy lifestyle for his life, my life, our life and the life of our family! :)

Today is day 6 at the hospital. Man the days are long and hard. I wish that I could do something! I did speak up today and say something and I dont know if I will regret it later but for today I am not worried.

The doctor said some of his levels are coming down. His trigylcerides were 3500 and they are now today 900. So that is good; he is looking better, more color in his lips and face. :) I am happy to hear that though he says the pain is still really really bad, I still am glad to see him more talkative, more alert. I can't wait for him to come home.

These last few days have been really hard on me, he is my world, he is my everything. I would do anything in the world for him. If I could give him my pancereas and take the pain, I would ..... I would do it in a heartbeat.

Its hard for me cause I have so many stresses and there is no one that i can really talk to about it! I called my mom last night at like 2am cause I had to get it off my chest, I was crying and I just needed to get it out of my system. It was a good one. :) :)

Anyhow I hope you are all doing good .... I am just sitting here and waiting for my hubby to get feeling better. They are changing his medication soon so I am waiting to get my coffee.

Talk to you soon!!! :)